Re-Grow Roots

Learning to live harmoniously in Missouri.


Life with Acorn, the natural birth of my second baby

She was born into pure bliss on the night of June 3rd at 11:40PM into the hands of her papa Carlos. With the support of Carlos, Sage and Maria I felt empowered and confident even through the most excruciating pains of my life. I had faith and courage to keep going through the cycles of contractions and power through every push with more and more strength then I knew I even had. The head peaked out and went back in three times and on the fourth time I told papa to pull her out! He says it looked like a sci fi movie from his angle and he couldnt pull her sweet little head. I pushed from the center of my being from a place deep inside that works on instinct and intuition. I kept pushing and pushing, arching my back and breathing through, roaring like a lioness with all the force of the great mother. Out she came into the hands of her daddy and in that moment all those feelings of courage, strength, pain, force… became absolutely bliss and the purest form of love that is not even describable with words. I wept there on my hands and knees, uncontrollable tears of absolute joy for this new baby girl, this sweet blessing from the great mystery of life. I did it!!! On hands and knees with the strength of a lioness and the deepest love I have ever felt, I did it. Without drugs. Without doctors. Without intervention. With the loving support of dear friends who believed in me, encouraged me, and flooded me with confidence. With all that love, my dream of a pure, natural, courageous birth was realized.

We slept in the trailer that night. I couldnt move much so we spent our first blussful night with our new baby there in the space that she was birthed. The next morning Kaylee, Nate, Jay, and Bert arrived for their visitor period. They sold their old life to make a life on the land with us here. Their new home for the time being is the same trailer and there we all were sharing the bliss of this amazing space. Slowly I gather myself together and carried our sweet little Acorn to our nest in the Catbox. We spent most of our first day in our room snuggling, snacking, loving, sharing our bodies and our souls. Maria and Nesto came over with tons of fruit and the community made a cheeseburger feast with homemade buns and all the works. It was a beautiful celebration. Darin also arrived and fell into the shared state of bliss with us. That night our planned midwife came over to do a check up on baby and me and found us to be in perfect health. She was unable to attend the birth but did reach Carlos that evening to encourage him that all would be well and she would come see me when the baby is born. We took our first warm bath together, with healing herbs to help our recovery process. It felt so nice.

On her second full day of life here on Earth in her new body, I began to feel a little emotional and sad. Post partum feelings and general feelings of overwhelm from all the huge changes that happened in the last day. Im normally a very active and involved person in all the things here at Oran Mor Community. Obviously just having given birth put me into a whole different reality and frequency and I wasnt able to be there to direct the family who is just getting settled into a life turned upside down from what they are used to. And they also felt like they have no idea how to plug in and what to do, and so there were some misunderstandings and a general break in our communication. We were able to talk and just communicating about the issues made everything feel so much more calm. I also began feeling some doubt and sadness about Carlos and my relationship because of past events that occured during my pregnancy and my own self doubt and trust issues. Baby Acorn was awake more this day, becoming more alert and aware with her eyes focusing on the people around. She is absolutely gorgeous. That night I wept tears of joy standing in our communal kitchen holding Acorn and sharing a moment with Carlos. I wept from the memory of the birthing that flooded into my consciousness when she looked at me. She felt my body and I felt hers and there was a moment of intense connection that only a mother and child will ever know and share. Carlos was there holding her feeling that moment with us and told me how strong and courageous I am, such power that I hold in my being. He expressed that he knows we have shared a deep bond for lifetimes and he knows that we are meant to travel through this lifetime together as a unit. I felt the truth in that statement deep in my soul. We stayed up late with our friends and family rejoicing in our life together.

Today, On day three I woke up early and spent some time in bed cuddling this precious new life and my two loves Kalani and Carlos. Kalani is so joyful
about his new baby sister, gives her kisses all the time, hugs, cuddles, watches her, and says the sweetest things. He loves having his friends Jay and Bert here who are 4 and 1. He and Jay play together almost all day. Life is beautiful. I was able to get up that morning and start doing the chores. Baby Acorn, Kalani, and Carlos were all in bed together. Kaylee was up making breakfast. I got to milk our goats and when I came back Acorn and Kalani were the cutest little peas in a pod cuddling on the couch together. What a blissful beginning to our day. Nesto and Maria brought us hay for our goats. Kathy stopped by with food and cookies for Kalani who shared them with everyone. I am such a blessed mama. I harvested fresh greens for our goats and took baby with me to harvest greens for the bunnies. My energy is coming back and my body is healing up quickly. I still rested a lot of the day, snuggling with this precious girl and took a nice nap together. We took our first car ride with her today, down to a neighbors farm to pick up some alfalfa. Kalani came along too. She was aware and content on the way there and then snuggled up and fell asleep. Later in the day, I left her with Opa so I could take some hay up the hill to our other goats. I actually pushed the wheelbarrow up there and felt great, and Kalani helped me fill the wheelbarrow with sticks for our cook fires and bring it down to our Outdoor Kitchen. When I got back down here, Acorn and Opa were snoozing on the couch. She is such a peaceful little fairie. She also had her first excursion to the creek today! Carlos and I took some laundry down there to wash and the kids, Kalani and Jay were already down there playing. After doing some of the laundry, I took a dip with our fairie babe who felt a bit cold and uncomfortable. It was a beautiful experience though, sharing natures beauty and healing with this incredible newborn life. Since then we have been lounging around and now she is laying on my belly as I document our life together so far. I feel absolute gratitude, love, joy, bliss, and the power of mother earth and great spirit charging through me and I am excited beyond words for every moment we share together.


My Natural Childbirth Experience


Birthing my baby naturally without interference from any medical assistance was my plan from the beginning. Giving birth is something that the female spirit has been doing since the dawn of time, it is the very definition of natural. In our culture, however, we have become very separated from the un-clean, bloody, rawness that is giving birth. We are “protected” from all that. Personally, I had only seen birth in videos. I have seen the horrible, screaming women hooked up to tubes being wheeled around hospitals and I have seen the orgasmic and peaceful births of women with midwives giving birth at home, at birth centers, or in the ocean… Of course I wanted that perfect, peaceful, maybe even orgasmic birth! But it turned out to be way more intense than I imagined… Let me just say, women are ferocious and powerful forces of nature!!

It all started around 1:30am on October 29, 2013. I woke up and felt very cramped in my lower abdomen. At first I thought I was constipated… then I pooped… a lot. I was in labor!!! My surges (contractions) were mild, but from the very beginning they were happening every 5-7 minutes and sometimes only 3 minutes apart. I tried to go back to sleep but every time I laid down I felt totally horrible so I decided to get something to eat and take a bath. It felt way better to be moving After an hour or so, I woke my partner Carlos to let him know what’s going on. It was pretty smooth sailing and I was handling the surges really well.

Since I opted out of taking the mandatory beta strep test in September, our midwife had to quit seeing me. She was prohibited by the state of Arkansas to assist me in the birth of my child. I was not “allowed” to have an “out-of-hospital” birth. I still had my doula though, and I felt comfortable with giving birth on my own. It was time! I let my fabulous doula Annie know that I was in labor and kept her posted throughout the morning. Around 10am my dad took me and Carlos over to our friend’s cabin in the woods. Our plan was to have the birth in this beautiful cabin with woods to stroll in, a birth ball to sit on, a wonderful jetted tub, kitchen to cook, nice open space… everything I need.

This cabin was so perfect and beautiful and with my amazing birthing companions there, things were going beautifully. Annie came over around 11am and by noon, it was getting a little more intense. I took walks, sat on the ball, got in the tub. All of these things helped. During really tough surges, it helped me a lot to sway my hips in a circle and make low humming sounds or growls with a relaxed, open mouth. All of this helps to open up the birth canal.I was doing great.

Eventually a reality hit me and fear struck in. Around 7pm I felt like I hadn’t opened considerably in a few hours and I felt stuck. No one there knew how to check my dilation, there was no midwife or doctor to tell me things are okay.. just my faith in knowing that I can do it. For a long time I had total faith, but then I began to question myself. I began having doubts. We called my midwife in Arkansas to see if she could come to me or help us in some way, but she couldn’t do it. She was a total downer, fearful of our abilities, and her advice was that I go to the hospital. Of course this scared me even more.

Although I had this intellectual knowledge that women are perfectly able to birth unassisted, I am still conditioned like anyone else in our modern day civilized society to think that we need help. I knew that I could do it, but in my heart there was fear. So I decided to go to the hospital about 8:30pm. Once I decided to do that, my water began to break and I felt a lot more open but the fear was still there… so we went.

We got there around 8:45pm and I was fully dilated. I was a wreck at the hospital. It did nothing to ease my discomfort or pain. I was yelling, not following any of their wild instructions (like sitting and laying) and I just felt out of control. But I did it and my perfect baby boy was born at 9:18pm! I did it without pain killers and without much medical intervention and I learned so much from my experience.

Doubt and fear create the environment that allows pain in. Next time I will definitely have a trained midwife to guide me and offer me comfort that everything is perfect. Because it was.

Congratulations Kalani Rain Gabriel Fleck-Ferrer, you have joined us here on earth and you are in for a beautiful experience.

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“I open, I transform, I bleed, I scream and I smile.”

These photos are absolutely beautiful, a perfect depiction of the true magic of natural birth.

I Am Chris

In 2005 artist Ana Álvarez-Errecalde responded to a recurring dream she was having and decided to take self portraits of herself, and her newborn daughter.  The resulting images she has titled “Birth of My Daughter (or El Nacimiento de Mi Hija)

I am moved to share her photos because I feel birth is a monumentally inexplicable alteration of reality and in our culture it is too rarely revealed as such.  If you are having a child, please explore your options of how your family can truly experience the beauty of birth.

If you are curious about the origin of the images, please watch the short documentary “Umbilical Self-portrait” by MiNuShu.

To see some of Ava Álvarez-Errecalde current work, where she has created bodysuits  representing nude forms (called the More Store), review this article at Empty Kingdom and this piece at Elephant Journal.


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Preparing for a Beautiful Birth


The day is almost here, our Buddha Baby will soon be joining us outside my womb in this three dimensional world! We are so excited to meet our little one and begin our journey together.

Birth is an absolutely magical time that will be a part of your baby’s life forever. So I’m going the fully unmedicated, natural route to help ensure a perfect start to my baby’s life on the outside. The trip down the birth canal and out of a woman’s vagina can be joyful and absolutely pleasurable to both mother and child. This might sound totally crazy to many people, but I’ve heard from many women and watched a whole lot of videos where the mother is at complete peace or even experiencing ORGASMS during labor! There’s a great movie I highly recommend – The Orgasmic Birth .


Your baby is growing inside of you and you are providing everything it needs to survive and thrive. This includes the food you eat, the thoughts you think, the lifestyle you live, and everything in your environment. Everyone is unique and we all require a unique life so there is no one fool-proof way to nourish your baby… You will have to really look within yourself and do your research about what is best for you and your baby. One thing is true for everyone, positivity is a fundamental necessity of a healthy life so do what it takes to be in a happy state of mind! Good health starts with a positive spirit.


One way that I have been preparing for a beautiful birth is through hypnobirthing classes that I have been taking from my doula. This is a style of birthing that utilizes self hypnosis, relaxation, meditation, and positive thought to encourage a pain free birth. We have practiced several guided visualizations that put me into a state of extreme relaxation. The women in the videos that she showed me are totally amazing, peacefully going in and out of surges (contractions) with no discomfort. The baby easily makes it’s way through the birth canal and out of the vagina without any noticeable pushing. Instead of pushing, I’ve learned to breathe the baby down. Pushing creates a lot of tension that is totally unnecessary when giving birth. Next time you take a poop, try breathing it out rather than pushing it out and notice the difference.


To ensure a pain-free, stress-free labor FEAR RELEASING is absolutely essential. All fears are created by our own minds and with our minds we create our reality. If we are constantly worrying about something, it’s virtually impossible to relax and just enjoy the situation. So release that fear! Birth is natural and women have been doing it since the dawn of humanity. Nature gives birth to new life every moment of every day and more often than not it’s peaceful without any complication. Take the time to write down your fears and release them with love into the abyss. Just let go. Here is a great post I found that will help you to release those fears – Hypnobirthing: Effective Techniques to Release Fear, Stress, and Pain in Labor


Choose a space that you are comfortable to give birth in. The hospital can cause undue stress and treats birth as a business rather than a natural gift of life most of the time. There are many other options besides the normal hospital room. Some hospitals have birthing centers in the actual hospital that use midwives who can provide you with very professional and comforting care. You can also find a birthing center run by midwives outside of a hospital. Another option is to give birth at home with a midwife. There are so many options! Do your research and do what is most comfortable for you. It’s totally up to you what you decide to do. For it to be stress-free, you must be comfortable in your decision.

Every mother is a beautiful, unique goddess. You can create life without stress in utter bliss if you choose to do so. I believe in all mothers!! If you have a beautiful birth story, please share it in the comments! I would also love to feature some guest writers, please let me know if you are interested.

Love, Desiree

Linked up at: Thank Goodness it’s Monday


Natural Pregnancy . Creating life is natural and beautiful!

Mother Earth Pregnant Goddess by PearlWhitecrow

Mother Earth Pregnant Goddess by PearlWhitecrow

Pregnancy has been an incredible journey and it is totally enlightening, I’m learning so much about myself!! It’s an exciting new experience growing a real life human in my uterus right now! The other day when I was walking, I subconsciously placed my hand on lower belly and could feel a life spiraling around me. This is a different kind of life than little gassy indigestion amoebas.. it’s very spiritual and holy.

Birth is an absolutely holy thing for every woman. It is holy for a walnut to fall from a tree and years later there appears another walnut tree bearing so many fruits. Birth is magical! Birth is beautiful! Birth can be a spiritual awakening that connects a woman and her partner to god, the creation, light, source, the entire universe. Birth is NATURAL… It is nature. Human nature, animal nature, plant nature, and amoeba nature. Every life in this universe was born from something. To be more specific, female humans have been giving birth for a heck of a long time (as long as there have been humans) and we’ve been doing it without fail until now… and we are still doing it!

Gaia Goddess by Michelle Molesch

Gaia Goddess by Michelle Molesch

For some reason, doctors seem to truly FEAR BIRTH. It totally disgusts me to hear stories from pregnant friends about their experiences with doctors. Of course all doctors are different, and all midwives are different too, but for the most part the stories I hear from folks are just horrendous!

One friend of mine was pregnant with her first son and during her pregnancy went through many many ultrasounds. She got a C-section for that baby. That child started speaking late in his life and is still overcoming a speech impediment and is now 7 years old. A couple of years later when she was pregnant with her second child, she did not want to have a C-section. The only reason that doctor had for wanting to give her a C-section is that she had one before. She refused so the doctor dropped her, and so did the next 5 doctors! She finally found a doctor that would deliver her baby naturally and she had a perfectly healthy little boy! Why did these doctors refuse to deliver her naturally? Fear of some sort of liability.

Joyful Soda Fire Goddess by gislebertus

Joyful Soda Fire Goddess by gislebertus

I have two friends who are pregnant with twins right now and getting ultrasounds every two weeks. Their doctors also refuse natural birth and will only do a C-section to deliver twins. Yes, it is more of a hazard to deliver two or more babies because of the chances of them being at difficult angles, bleeding, tearing, etc. But it can be done and has been done many times! If a woman believes in herself and finds a spiritual midwife who is fully 100% present and aware of the moment, the birth will be a beautiful thing no matter what happens.

For my own pregnancy, I have no intention of going to a doctor or hospital at all and I am totally comfortable in that choice. I do not fear doctors but I find them totally unnecessary and unable to help me during this time. My partner Carlos has been the most amazing help for me throughout this time and I’m so thankful to have a fantastic and honest relationship with my life partner! We have a seriously tantric connection a lot of the time where he just knows what I need in that moment. He is the sweetest, most understanding, and very wise spirit. I’m blessed. We are all blessed and we all deserve the most amazing experience!!

I have been reading a book called Spiritual Midwifery written by Ina May that fills my heart with a beautiful realization that I CAN DO IT! Ina May is this amazing midwife who has been doing it for years and years and years, since the 60s. She shares stories from hundreds of women about their birth and all of them have this psychadelic experience during their pregnancy. Sometimes they are afraid or nervous, but their midwife helps bring them to a state of mind where they just are present with the miracle of life that is happening in their body! It is truly a magical thing. If you are pregnant, I highly suggest reading Spiritual Midwifery!

I have not yet found a midwife, but I know it will all happen naturally and beautifully. I have no doubt, no fear.

Things to think about…

Are ultrasounds causing the huge rise in autism?

Research on ultrasounds

Have you delivered a baby naturally or are you going through a natural pregnancy? I would love to hear your stories!

Linked up at: Small Footprint Fridays, Tasty Traditions